Why Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work (2022)

relationship advice Jan 03, 2022

Two phones with hearts, forming a broken heart

Wondering why long distance relationships don’t work?

Long distance relationships can work...

But they often don’t work for a number of reasons.

Today let’s break down the key reasons long distance relationships fall apart.

This way, you can avoid heartbreak, and build lasting relationships 💑

Let’s dive in!

WHY LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS DON’T WORK REASON #1:

Poor Communication

The #1 reason why long distance relationships don’t work is poor communication 🤭

Why?

Poor communication leads to misunderstandings, confusion, and uncertainty.

Communication is difficult in long distance relationships in particular because when you’re in a long distance relationship, you primarily communicate via speaking and especially writing.

This means you must either:

Schedule time to talk by phone or FaceTime, which is painful 👎

Communicate exclusively in writing, which frequently leads to miscommunications 👎

You also lose out on all of the rich texture in-person communication affords, like body language, and subtle facial expressions and tone...

Poor communication is lethal enough to end any relationship, but can be especially effective at ending long distance relationships.

💡 Want to avoid communication ruining your long long distance relationship?

Figure out modes and cadences in partnership with your partner that enable you to fully communicate together.

For example:

Text casually throughout the day
Phone calls 2x / week
FaceTimes on Saturdays
Meet in-person every other month

This is just an example. The “right” formula for your relationship depends on your (and your partner’s) needs.

Communicate about it 📣

WHY LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS DON’T WORK REASON #2:

Lack of Physical Intimacy

Intimacy, both physical and emotional, is a huge part of what makes a relationships work 🤗

An enormous amount of intimacy is lost when we can’t physically connect with our partner.

If either partner in a relationship considers physical touch to be an essential love language, you’ll struggle not having opportunities for physical intimacy.

On a simpler and more-human level, think about how great it feels to:

Hug, and be hugged 👐
Pet, and be petted 💆
Explore other areas of physical intimacy 😏

You miss out on all of this when you’re away from your long-distance partner.

💡 Want to avoid lack of physical intimacy ruining your long long distance relationship?

There’s no “silver bullet” to solve this problem, but a few ideas that can help:

Figure out a regular cadence to meet in-person (e.g. one month you visit her, the next she visits you 🛫)
Explore ways to be intimate each other remotely (e.g. try out Quinn, an erotic audio platform and listen to something sexy together 🌶️)
Consider an open relationship, or just being single until you can co-locate (I’m aware neither option is desirable for many long-distance couples, but being physically apart isn’t either… pick your poison 🤷)

WHY LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS DON’T WORK REASON #3:

Poor Planning

All relationships require planning, but especially long distance relationships.

Why?

In a long distance relationship, you have to plan:

When & how you’ll communicate 🗣️
When & where you’ll visit each other 🗺️
(Especially) For the future, when you won’t be long-distance 🔮

A key reason why long distance relationships don’t work is that the participants don’t properly plan for the future.

Going into a long distance relationships without a game plan for what’s next can be disastrous, because each person automatically enters the relationship with different expectations, timelines, and needs…

As Benjamin Franklin once said:

“Failing to plan is planning to fail”

SUMMARY & WRAP UP